Confused Sister Wonders How To Throw A Wedding Shower For Two Brides

Over the years, we’ve received many questions from family members who want to help their loved ones celebrate their upcoming gay nuptials, but get thrown by the concept of throwing a wedding shower for two brides or two grooms.

Case in point: This supportive sister from New York asks a question (see below) we’ve received before and we do our best to help her follow through on her desire to celebrate by throwing a bridal shower for her lesbian sister.

The Question

Name: Confused

Question or comment: My sister and her partner are getting married in 2 months and I am clueless as to what the protocol is for a same sex “bridal shower.” My family and I are very old-fashioned, and the news of a same sex marriage is very different for us. I want to support my sister and her partner, but I don’t want to offend them and ask them what their expectations are. Also, I’m not sure who is the “bride” and who is the “groom.” I want to show them we care and throw a little get together, but I’m not sure how to go about it, or what to do. Help!”

Our Answer

Dear Confused,

Thanks for your email!

You may find some additional helpful information for friends & family on our web site.

One quick bit of insight to help you as you plan: most gay and lesbian couples are appreciative of gestures of love and support like a shower hosted by a family member. So, it’s tough to go wrong.

Because there are no written rules about how to do a same sex wedding shower, we generally encourage the host to check in with the couple and ask them if they have any specific preferences about the guest list, about whether both partners will be there, about the type of shower, etc.

The most important thing to remember is that there are two brides or two grooms in any same sex couple and each member of the couple will identify as such. So, in your case, treat each bride as a bride or, at the very least — as equal partners — and take it from there!

I trust that your sister and her partner will be thrilled to have your support and will offer you any additional guidance you need.




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Wedding innovator Kathryn Hamm (@madebykathryn) is co-author of The New Art of Capturing Love: The Essential Guide to Lesbian & Gay Wedding Photography (Amphoto Books, 2014), an Education Expert for WeddingWire and Publisher of GayWeddings.com