To Match Or Not To Match Your Wedding Rings

Danielle Richards PhotoObviously the rules of conduct are growing and developing as same sex couples feel more comfortable with newly found rights to marry, or at the very least, “get engaged.” And, as we accept our relationship status more openly, interesting questions start developing.

When two people of the same gender decide to live the rest of their lives together and choose to wear symbols of their love for each other, what should those symbols be? Rings? Bracelets? Diamonds? Gold or platinum? Who proposes to whom, and does the other reciprocate?

Traditionally in a straight couple, the protocol is typically that the man gets the woman an engagement ring, and then each gets a wedding band at marriage ceremony. With same sex couples, we open a door to new ground.

First there is the question of the engagement and two primary options arise. Scenario one: the couple decides together to get engaged and shop for rings; or two, one partner chooses to spring the question on the other and propose.

I have encountered both scenarios, and when it comes to choosing the actual rings, two additional options present themselves. Partners can choose rings together and have them match, or partners can decide to wear something suitable for each of them without them matching.

In any relationship, a couple wants to wear a symbol of their loyalty and faith to each other, but, just because they are entering into a committed relationship, it doesn’t mean that each partner must give up his or her individuality. My opinion is that it is perfectly acceptable for each partner to wear a ring s/he loves and which fits with the personality and identity of each person.

On the other hand, I have supported many couples who wished to wear matching symbols to represent their unity. As a matter of fact, some couples choose to wear matching bracelets, or pendants to represent their love. All is good when it comes to a joint decision representing that which best symbolizes their love.

Of course there is no right or wrong answer. Each union has its own unique circumstance and there is always a solution that can be best tailored for for their situation, taste, or financial resources.

My suggestion is simply this: discuss it together. Consider whether you want to wear similar or different symbols. And I highly recommend that you have this conversation with your budget in hand. Consider each other’s tastes and desires and see that your partner gets what s/he wants and will love.

Finally, if your engagement will follow a traditional arc (with an extended engagement period), an engagement ring for each partner is acceptable. You should, however, consider that wedding bands will then need to follow at the ceremony. And, in this case, you might choose matching bands, but with engagement rings which are unique to each of your personalities.

Whatever you decide – it is your choice, it is your life, and it is your relationship.

Be happy with your decision and live happily ever after.


Photo credit: Danielle Richards Photography. Submitted via TwoBrightLights.

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In his 25 years experience in designing and creating engagement rings and wedding bands, Rony has dedicated more than a decade of service toward helping same-sex couples translate their sentiments of commitment into meaninful custom rings, symbolizing their unique love.